My Law School Imposter Syndrome, Explained.

Imposter syndrome is not a mental illness, but rather a way of thinking. It’s the voice in your head telling you you’re not good enough to be here, you’re not going to succeed, and that everyone else is better than you. When you lose, you blame yourself for it. When you win, you attribute it to factors other than your own hard work. That is imposter syndrome. This way of thinking is especially prevalent in high-achieving women, but everyone in law school (or college, or grad school, for that matter) feels it at some point. Imposter syndrome tricks you into thinking everyone around you is better, smarter, more worthy.  It’s normal to feel this way coming into an intense, competitive atmosphere packed with high-achievers, and trying to defeat this way of thinking is no easy task. I wanted to write this blog post mainly for a sense of catharsis from my own personal struggles with imposter syndrome (which have been particularly heavy this 2L Fall semester), but also to (hopefully) help at least one student going through the same thing.

How to Be (Sorta) Happy in Law School

I wanted to plug this book early in my post because I refer to it quite a bit. I purchased How to be (Sorta) Happy in Law School after the law school psychologist recommended it to the first-years at orientation week. I’m grateful that I did, because it has really helped me. Kathryne M. Young dives deep into the struggles of law school in this book, extensively interviewing hundreds of law students from across the nation and studying how they personally experienced law school. Her insight and advice offer hope that you can approach law school on your own terms. I relate to so much of what she describes in this book, and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one going through this (something a person with imposter syndrome definitely needs to hear).

My Experience Entering Law School

Personally, I’ve always been a good student. In high school, I was super active in extra-curriculars, took AP classes, and was in the top of my class. When I got to college, my grades were fairly above average. My GPA wasn’t perfect (calculus and some econ courses really killed it for me), but I was still doing great and active in clubs. I was good at being a student. 

With every level of schooling I’ve advanced to, I have felt more and more like I’m around people who are much smarter than me. I have found that the more I advance up in academics, the more concentrated my surroundings get with high-achievers. Every level of school is harder than the one before, and it’s no secret that law school (or any grad program) is academically rigorous.

My imposter syndrome started early on, even before I started my first law school semester. I could already see the biographies of some of my classmates and the awesome accomplishments they each had. Some had spent time in the Peace Corps, others interned for congressmen, and one worked at the NRDC– the list went on. When comparing myself to others, I felt that my environmental policy experience interning at CalEPA was nowhere near as significant (even though I felt on top of the world while working there in undergrad). Everyone’s prestigious undergrad colleges and resumés impressed me, and I was already feeling a bit inferior.

By the very first week of law school, I found myself unfamiliar with a term from lecture or getting confused on a concept I had learned in class. I immediately would think I was the only one feeling like this, and that everyone else in class was following along perfectly. I was constantly doubting myself in other respects as well. Was I the only one drowning in all this reading? Surely everyone else was staying on top of the reading assignments. Is anyone completely perplexed by this criminal law case? Probably just me. These thoughts only continued to build on each other and grow as the semester continued on, and imposter syndrome settled in for an extended stay.

The Law School System is Bringing Me Down

For reasons I will elaborate on below, I have felt imposter syndrome and stress fairly heavily and consistently throughout law school. Now, in my 2L year, I feel the stress more than ever… to a point where it has begun to take a toll on me physically. A large portion of this, in my opinion, comes from the way that law school is set up (in addition to the fact that everyone around you is smart). Let’s dive into a few of those factors:

The Curve and Class Ranks

I’m sure you’re familiar with or at least have some understanding of a grading curve. Law school classes, particularly those taken during 1L year, are typically graded on a curve. Each school has its own determined curve, for example, mine tends to follow a 30% A’s, 65% B’s, and 5% C’s grading distribution. So what’s the big deal? Why is the curve so terrible, Jules? As Evan Jones of LawSchooli puts it, students are “usually similarly talented and are almost uniformly excellent test-takers. Yet, with the curve, there has to be some winners and also some big losers on each exam.”  Inevitably, someone has to end up with the lower grades on the distribution. You might be just as smart as everyone else, but if you do one point worse on the exam than all the other students, you’re getting the C. You might be thinking “Hey, the curve sounds great! No one fails! The lowest grade you can get is a C.” which is absolutely true. However, getting the C means you’re the worst student in the class, according to the curve. 

In law school, I’m not getting the fantastic grades I once used to. This was a huge reality check for me, as someone who was used to constant recognition for academic achievement. Through my first year of law school, I felt like I fully understood most material in class and was keeping up with all of the studying, outlining, and practice exams. I walked out of final exams and knew that I KILLED it. I was going to get an A, no doubt. But when grades came out, that wasn’t the case. Now, I didn’t get any C’s, but my GPA fell right at the class average and it stung. I knew that the grades were not an indication of how well I did, only how well I did in comparison to everyone else. This really frustrated me. 1L grades from fall semester were all employers had to look at when determining who to interview and hire for the summer, and mine were not that great. 

In addition to grades, some applications asked for your class rank, and having average grades meant I didn’t fall into the top 10 or 25 percent of my class that employers were looking for. I felt discouraged from applying to many internship positions because they clearly stated “top 25% class rank preferred” and I didn’t fit that. My imposter syndrome got pretty bad after that first round of grades and applications. I felt like I wasn’t as good of a student (and future attorney) as the people around me, even though I was just as capable of being good at the job. I started to dislike the system law school put in place with grading, as it felt like a completely arbitrary way to measure competency to me.

Law Review

A Law Review journal is a periodical that most (if not all) law schools have, that publishes scholarly work on legal issues. The journal is made up of student editors, and those students oversee the cite checking and editing of the articles the journal publishes. Law Review journals publish articles about all types of law. Most schools have several other journals that publish in focused areas (business law, environmental law, etc.), however, they are not as rigorous or prestigious as the Law Review. A Law Review journal typically requires its student editors to write a hefty paper called a “comment” or “note”, to be published in the journal alongside the scholarly works. To join, students typically participate in a “write-on” process at the end of their 1L year. Some write-ons take your grades into account, and others strictly look at your writing and citation skills. My school did not take grades into account, and implemented blind grading for the writing sample and citation exercises we were required to complete. 

There are plenty of reasons to join a Law Review journal. It looks good on a resume, it’s a chance to have your own work published somewhere, and it enhances your writing and citation skills. There are, however, plenty of reasons not to. I once heard someone say, “If law review wasn’t prestigious, no one would do it.” I am not saying that is totally true but it does have some element of truth to it given the long hours involved! Law Review student editors spend ungodly amounts of time on their tasks. They’re subject to late nights of working on their comments on top of already time-consuming schoolwork. It is also a very heavy workload if all you’re looking for is to improve your writing and citation skills. Kathryne M. Young describes law review as “training for a marathon when you want to lose five pounds: Yes, it will certainly serve your purpose, but will serve it indirectly and you will end up doing more work than necessary.”

The day I got rejected from Law Review was a hard day for me. I felt like everything I had worked so hard for my entire 1L year had been ruined, and I definitely felt like I didn’t belong in law school. To be quite frank, I didn’t even want to be on the journal. It seemed stressful, time consuming, and overall not fun. Nonetheless, I was upset because getting rejected meant that I was unlikely to get hired by a prestigious and high-paying job after graduation. Most big firm applications I come across applying for 2L summer say “law review preferred,” but I know that phrase really means law review is a requirement to get hired. Some redditors of r/LawSchool reflected on their experience as law review student editors and determined it was a large factor of their law firm employment. “Had I not done Law Review, I likely would be unemployed,” said one student, and “my boss pretty much won’t even look at your resume if you weren’t on [a journal],” said another. 

 Like the grading system, this feels like such an arbitrary way to measure success. It separates out 40 or so students and deems them worthy of the big law firm jobs. Being a law review reject makes me feel imposter syndrome now more than ever. I’m definitely not trying to say that Law Review kids don’t experience imposter syndrome, or that they have it easy (they definitely do not). I just feel as though the imposter syndrome that law review rejects experience is that of a different breed. The way law school and employment is set up generally makes students feel like they need to be in Law Review to be hired and valuable, and that just doesn’t sit well with me. It brings me a lot of stress to ponder my future job prospects having been rejected from the journal, should I ever want to work for a private law firm.

How COVID-19 Might Help (or Hurt) With Imposter Syndrome

If there’s one good thing that came out of this pandemic, it’s that we switched to doing classes through Zoom. Remote learning has really helped me to keep imposter syndrome to a minimum in my life, and here’s why: I don’t have to interact with a lot of people or environments that trigger my imposter syndrome. A large factor of my stress and anxiety came from simply comparing myself to and interacting with other law students. Overhearing people in the hallways before class discussing their immaculate outlines and what internships they got offers for, being grilled by my classmates on what I was up to, it all brought me a lot of stress. With remote learning, I am away from all of that. I don’t have to interact with anyone I don’t want to. This is not to say that I am a complete introvert– I still chat with a few close classmates, but the distance from this source of stress is definitely a benefit of having classes on Zoom that I did not expect.

On the flip side of this, remote learning could be hurting me, too. Being secluded from everyone else means little or no social interaction when I was previously used to quite a bit. This can be depressing for students, especially Fall semester for those particularly prone to feeling Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Additionally, online learning might be hurting my academic performance because it’s not the way I’m used to doing things. Learning how to participate in the remote world through class and interviews is definitely a cause of stress, contributing to imposter syndrome instead of helping alleviate it. If you’re feeling like this too, just remember that this is new to all of us and everyone else is learning to adjust to the remote version of law school just as you are. Try to focus on the positives of the situation and the hope that it will all be over soon.

Moving Forward

One quote that I return to again and again that makes me laugh is “Whenever I feel imposter syndrome coming on I just remind myself that I am in fact an imposter, and I’m doing a pretty decent job at fooling everyone.” 

Imposter syndrome gets you to focus on the negatives and dwell on the idea that you don’t belong here. You need to remember that you DO belong here, but because you worked your ass off and you deserve it.  

I continue to work on dealing with my imposter syndrome and stress, and what works best for me to fight it. I remind myself about the light at the end of the tunnel– graduating and passing the Bar. Every obstacle in law school just gets me closer to this, even obstacles like learning how to deal with imposter syndrome.

I hope that at least some part of this post has informed you on what law students go through, or helped you in recognizing this issue yourself even for non-law school students. I am always open to feedback, comments, and/or questions as I continue to improve and learn more about anxiety, stress, and imposter syndrome myself. 🙂

STAY TUNED FOR IMPOSTER SYNDROME TIPS AND TRICKS!